Thirst
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. Where can I go and meet with God? (Ps. 42:2)Friday, February 11, 2005
Well, well, well. It's been a while since anyone posted on this blog! As I've been reading through some of the old entries, I've been so encouraged to remember all the things God did back then. It was a crazy time, and if you're reading this and you don't know me, many things have happened since I headed off to jolly ole England and ended up halfway across the world for three months.
I used to post to this blog sitting at my desk in my room on Mac 3, using my old Toshiba laptop. That poor thing has long since bit the dust, and all I've got left of it is its tiny hard drive, which is currently storing mp3s on the family desktop.
Now I'm sitting in my living room in NY, typing on a brand new Apple laptop, wirelessly connected to the great out-there. Setting and circumstance has changed, but it's amazing how many things have not. I still have successes and failures. I still wonder about the future. I still spend way too much time thinking deep thoughts and playing with ideas.
And yet, as I read those old posts, I feel so far removed from that previous version of myself. What strikes me most is the difference in my passion. Whereas before I marched boldly forward to know more of God, today I can only crawl. In those days I was engorged on feasts of truth, today I wait in gnawing silence for the slightest morsel. I used to dream big dreams about changing the world, and today I wonder if I will or even can change myself.
The passion is not gone. No, there is still something deep inside that burns hotter than ever. Except now instead of bright yellow and orange flames that dance and spark joyfully, there are coals, glowing and irradiating intense heat. I once was a man of great passion- cloudy, idealistic, and dreamy. I am still that man. It's just that now, my passion has burned down to desperation...
Too late have I loved You, O Beauty so ancient and so new, too late have I loved You. You called to me, and cried out, and shattered my deafness. You blazed forth with light and put my blindness to flight!
I used to post to this blog sitting at my desk in my room on Mac 3, using my old Toshiba laptop. That poor thing has long since bit the dust, and all I've got left of it is its tiny hard drive, which is currently storing mp3s on the family desktop.
Now I'm sitting in my living room in NY, typing on a brand new Apple laptop, wirelessly connected to the great out-there. Setting and circumstance has changed, but it's amazing how many things have not. I still have successes and failures. I still wonder about the future. I still spend way too much time thinking deep thoughts and playing with ideas.
And yet, as I read those old posts, I feel so far removed from that previous version of myself. What strikes me most is the difference in my passion. Whereas before I marched boldly forward to know more of God, today I can only crawl. In those days I was engorged on feasts of truth, today I wait in gnawing silence for the slightest morsel. I used to dream big dreams about changing the world, and today I wonder if I will or even can change myself.
The passion is not gone. No, there is still something deep inside that burns hotter than ever. Except now instead of bright yellow and orange flames that dance and spark joyfully, there are coals, glowing and irradiating intense heat. I once was a man of great passion- cloudy, idealistic, and dreamy. I am still that man. It's just that now, my passion has burned down to desperation...
Too late have I loved You, O Beauty so ancient and so new, too late have I loved You. You called to me, and cried out, and shattered my deafness. You blazed forth with light and put my blindness to flight!
You send forth fragrance, and I draw in my breath, and I pant after you. I have tasted you, and I hunger and thirst after you. You touched me, and I have been burning ever since for your peace. --St. Augustine
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